A holiday on the horizon

The countdown is on, a holiday to the Gold Coast in Queensland is less than a month away. We are staying at what sounds like an amazing resort called Paradise Resort. This place is any kids heaven and any parents dream. We are staying in a room that has a sectioned off kids room with bunk beds, PlayStation, DVD player in it and it's underwater themed, so the walls are pained with sea animals etc. Charlie will think that is just awesome and I love that he will be in his own little 'room' so we can watch DVDs at night and not disturb him. The amenities of the resort sound amazing. They have just completed a million dollar water park within the resort. 3 stories of platforms, water guns, 3 water slides, huge buckets that dump water all built in a shallow soft bottom pool, so really like a huge multi level playground in water. They also have a huge adventure playground build on sand. And the kids club!! the best bit. Included in our accommodation is a 4 hour session of kids club every day where the kids do fun activities like pyjama parties, cupcake decorating, treasure hunts, and heaps more. It's all set in an amazing underground maze of rooms that include Space Room with planets, asteroids and alien space creatures.Underwater World with submarine slide, hidden grotto's and caves, there is even a pirate ship! Leonardo's Painting Room. Egyptian Room where they hold dance parties, movie nights and games. Tiny Town, with pedal car race track and miniature town. Magic Garden with giant frogs, butterflies and hot air balloons, ball pit, dress ups. Sounds amazing huh! Charlie will just love it, he is very social and will love mixing with all the kids and doing fun kids stuff for a few hours. And I will love to have some time to myself to relax and read a book or have a nap, shop, swim at the beach. CAN NOT WAIT!!
So anyway, how have I been doing lately? Pretty good, been getting to the gym 4 times a week. Still can't seem to get the healthy eating down pat. It was so much easier before partner and kid. I used to come home from work, go to the gym and eat a wholemeal wrap with salad and grilled chicken. Now that I have to feed a 4 year old (who does not like anything that looks like a vegetable) and a guy who can be fussy and likes all things unhealthy, it makes meal times a chore and I can't be bothered cooking myself separate meals. Last night was Charlie's favourite, Taco night. I try to stick mostly to lettuce, tomato, cucumber and low fat cheese, but there is still the yummy crunchy taco with some sour cream to go with it, oh and the taco meat of course. Anyway, I know it's no excuse, and I could just cook myself separate meals, but you know what, I like to sit down as a family and get messy as we all make Taco's together. So I keep to my motto of it's a marathon, not a sprint.

It's a marathon, not a sprint

It's been a little while since I've posted, mostly because there is nothing much to update. Just plodding along. I must say, I find it very hard to be strict on my eating habits. I'm good most of the time, but can't seem to resist a few 'treats'. For example. When we went to Phillip Island for the weekend, I had fried rice with my dinner one night. I was good and resisted the pies for lunch and had a salad roll, but couldn't resist having a bit or two of pie. Then Sun night we had a friend over for dinner and I did a roast lamb with chocolate pudding for desert. Well I had to have some of that warm, gooey delicious pudding!! I did make a healthier version, with cocoa and not actual chocolate. But overall I'm doing quite well. Yesterday I was SO tired, too many late nights and a 4 year old that gets up every night for a wee at about 3am then up for the day at 6:30am. I got home from work and thought.. I just can't go to the gym tonight, I'm buggered!.. Then as soon as I'd finished dinner, it was 6:40 and I thought, NO! you will feel so much better if you get your butt to the gym, so I quickly got changed and raced to a combat class at 7:00 and sweated up a storm, and I did feel so much better for going and so glad I didn't just sit around doing nothing all night.
The moral of this post.. Just keep going, even when you think 'I'm not getting anywhere, why bother'. Well if you talk like that then no, you never will get anywhere.

Back to the gym

Finally my ankle is better enough to get back to my cardio classes. Going to my first Step class tonight since 'the incident'. Fingers crossed that I never repeat that little drama again!
For those of you reading this from different places around the world, most of you will not know it's Australia Day tomorrow. For many that means a big BBQ lunch and a day of celebration with friends and family, a game of backyard cricket, swimming and a few (or many) drinks (and best of all, a day off work!) We are having a quiet one and will be just hanging around the house. So no tempting feasts for me to deal with, phew! But we are off for a weekend away in Phillip Island. A small island just off the East coast of Australia, just an hour and a half drive from Melbourne. Can't wait for a weekend of exploring rock pools, visiting the wildlife park, walks on the beach and for a night off from the healthy eating, fish and chips on the pier, feeding chips to the seagulls and watching Charlie in the playground as we relax under a tree. Although I try to eat healthy most of the time, I can not, and also WILL not be a slave to the healthy eating plan all of the time. I love food! and I figure that if I eat well most of the time, that is the main thing. I know this is probably going to hold me back from ever being the weight I envisage, but I'd like to live a little too!

Just say NO!!

The ankle is getting better, I managed to do a Pump class on Thursday, just had a bit of trouble with the lunges. I'll do another Pump class on Sunday then fingers crossed will be back to all classes by next week. I really feel guilty when I don't get to the gym. Although I often have to drag myself there, I do feel so much better when I go.
This morning I had a bit of a laze in bed. Dom got Charlie up and I watched some TV. Dom, totally innocent and trying to be nice got me breakfast in bed, but unfortunately his choices are not the best. He comes in and places the plate in front of me and it's grilled cheese on toast, white bread. Now really, I love that. It's simple, tasty and has absolutely no nutritional value whatsoever. Just empty carbs. But man, that grilled cheese smelled good. It sat there next to me while I finished watching my program, then I got up and took it back to the kitchen telling Dom "baby you know I can't eat this", and I put it in the bin and made myself a bowl of porridge with half a sliced banana.
Weight loss is all about choices and decisions. No one makes the decision to put the food into your mouth but you. No one makes the choice of what you eat but you. Just because food is there in front of you, you don't have to eat it. And you know what, I always feel so much better about myself when I say no and make good choices. It's not just that I didn't eat that certain food, but that I had the will power and resolve NOT to eat it.

It's been on my mind for years, a tummy tuck

I lost the bulk of my weight in a year when I was about 17. I'm now 35 and have only ever gone up or down in weight by a few kilos over the years. I HATE my tummy. It's flabby and saggy and no matter how much I work out it never seems to change. I don't have huge amounts of excess skin, but there is some there. I've done heaps of reading on tummy tucks and I've toyed with the idea for a long long time.
I can not stand to look at my tummy in the mirror. In bathers, jeans, dresses, I always feel self concious. It sticks out and looks fat and yuck. I have few reservations about having the surgery. First is am I totally sure I don't want another baby? Dom and I are pretty settled with Charlie, we had always planned to have one and I'm pretty sure that is it for us, but I have to be 100%. Also there is the cost. It's going to set me back somewhere between $5000-$8000. That is a huge amount of money, every time I think of it, I start thinking of all the other things I could/should spend it on. There there is the recovery time. Two weeks totally out of action then another 2-4 to really be up and about like before. So many if's and what's. But it plays on my mind a lot. Just to get rid of that squishy loose skin on my tummy would be a dream come true!

A spanner in the works

Just when things were going so well, a spanner in the works. I was doing a step class yesterday, which I've been doing for a year, so if I don't say so myself, I'm actually quite good at. I was going across the step when my foot caught the end and down I went!! Full on fell from the top of the step onto the floor, in a packed class on a Saturday morning, how embarrassing!! I got straight back up and continued on and felt fine, but by that evening my ankle was starting to hurt and swell, I must have twisted it. Now I'm limping around and had to give the gym a miss today and am worried how long I'll be out of action. I was up to my 4th week in a row of going 4 times a week so I'm really disappointed.
Oh well, off for some family time today, a nice sunny Sunday so we're heading off to a park then out for lunch at the nearby bakery (will resist the pies and treats and opt for a salad roll).
I'm really happy with my will power, every night at around 8:30/9:00 the munchies hit. This is when I'd normally reach for a chocolate or make something sweet like pudding or cake. But I just tell myself 'NO'! you really don't need that. So I have a piece of fruit and try and ignore the hunger and then it tends to go away.
I tell you, this better all be worth it, I want to start seeing some results!!

So far so good

Well I must say, I'm doing so well and feeling good about it. The last 2 days I've not eaten between meals except for a piece of fruit here and there. Not diet food for meals, but no fried or fatty stuff. Still eating carbs, but just trying to cut down a little on portion sizes. I'm generally pretty healthy, but was just eating too much I think. Too much snacking, too many chocolates at night on the couch (thanks to all those little Christmas gift choccies). I've done an hour class at the gym yesterday and today. Tonight will be a test, going out for dinner with a good friend. Not sure where we are going, but I vow to make a healthy choice. I'm not saying I'm going for the salad, but I'll steer clear of the fish and chips or deep fried anything, and creamy sauces are a no no.

You know what, when that chocolate or biscuit go in, they taste so nice and make you feel good. But as soon as you finish them you think.. Did I really need that, wish I hadn't eaten it.. I'm getting more satisfaction and good feelings from resisting them in the first place. Then I can be proud of myself rather than beating myself up.

This is it, no more excuses!!

It's time to stop with the excuses!! It's time to get in control, to be accountable, to pull out my finger and crack the whip. It's time to put all this in a blog, so there is nowhere to hide. If I write it down and send it out there into the world then I really should follow through, people might be watching, reading, maybe even being inspired!! Ok, so here goes... I, Lisa, vow to get fit, to lose a bit of flab, to tone up, to feel good in my jeans, to want to get in bathers and go to the pool, to not cringe when I look in the mirror, to not suck in my guts when someone might inadvertently put a hand near my stomach. 

Ok, first, a bit about where I'm at and how I got here.

I was a fat kid, I loved to eat. From the age of about 8 I was bigger than average and it got worse from there. By the time I was about 16 I was 92kg and 163cm tall. I was teased at school and hated every minute of it. I remember walking down the halls and having the boys say.. Hey hey hey, it's Fat Albert... Or as I'd walk past they would jump back with their backs against the lockers and say.. Make room, fatty coming through. If only they knew what that did to a 16 year old girl, just wanting to be like everyone else. I'd come home from school, go to my room and cry. Until one day, something inside me snapped. One day everything changed. I can't tell you what it was or any specific event that happened, but I'd just decided that I'd had enough, I couldn't take it any more, I was going to lose weight!! And I did, over the next year, all on my own, I lost 30kg and dropped to 62kg. I lost so much and gained even more. I got some confidence, some self worth. I felt like I wasn't being laughed at or mocked. I went out to night clubs with my friends and even had boys look at me. And finally, I kissed a boy, I got a boyfriend, I was free from the prison of my fat body. Of course, no one is ever totally happy, and I still had plenty of body issues, loose skin etc, but on the whole, I was a mile away from what I had been. Fast forward many years, I went to University, moved to Melbourne from a county town, traveled overseas, worked overseas, came back, partied it up, settled down and had a little boy, who is now 4. I put on way too much weight when I was pregnant, 24kg to be exact. I lost most of it, bar a few kg. I don't weigh myself anymore, it's too depressing. It can turn a perfectly good morning into a horrible depressing one. But I know from my clothes and my reflection and the way I feel that a few kg have crept back on again. At a guess I've gone from a size 12 to a 14 and put on about 6kg, and I'm not happy about it. I know exactly why. Too much food and not enough move. Hey I go to the gym, 3 - 4 time a week. I do Step classes and Pump classes. I do high impact aerobics and dance class. But it's what goes in the mouth that makes all the difference. And I've become slack!! I know there is no-one to blame but myself, so now, I'm taking back control and I'm hoping, by writing this blog and being accountable and making the iron clad decision to make changes that I will lose those few kilos and get back to feeling good and fit and healthy.

You know what tipped me over the edge to start this blog. Chocolate, not just any chocolate, but a little bag of home made choccies that was on my desk at work today. A gift from a collegue waiting there for me after the Christmas break. I'd actually made the decision to crack the whip a week ago, and have been doing great, all week and feeling good, but that little bag of chocolate brought me down. I put it in my bag, out of sight, but could not resist, and ate the whole bag after lunch, now I feel sick and disspointed. You know what, I didn't need that chocolate, if it wasn't there I would not have had it, but I did have it, and if I'd had this blog yesterday, and know maybe, just one person was reading it, I might not have eaten that chocolate. So, blog, I have high hopes for you. I hope you keep me strong, you give me some support (of the silent kind), you give me strength and you give me that little hand I need to do this.