This is it, no more excuses!!

It's time to stop with the excuses!! It's time to get in control, to be accountable, to pull out my finger and crack the whip. It's time to put all this in a blog, so there is nowhere to hide. If I write it down and send it out there into the world then I really should follow through, people might be watching, reading, maybe even being inspired!! Ok, so here goes... I, Lisa, vow to get fit, to lose a bit of flab, to tone up, to feel good in my jeans, to want to get in bathers and go to the pool, to not cringe when I look in the mirror, to not suck in my guts when someone might inadvertently put a hand near my stomach. 

Ok, first, a bit about where I'm at and how I got here.

I was a fat kid, I loved to eat. From the age of about 8 I was bigger than average and it got worse from there. By the time I was about 16 I was 92kg and 163cm tall. I was teased at school and hated every minute of it. I remember walking down the halls and having the boys say.. Hey hey hey, it's Fat Albert... Or as I'd walk past they would jump back with their backs against the lockers and say.. Make room, fatty coming through. If only they knew what that did to a 16 year old girl, just wanting to be like everyone else. I'd come home from school, go to my room and cry. Until one day, something inside me snapped. One day everything changed. I can't tell you what it was or any specific event that happened, but I'd just decided that I'd had enough, I couldn't take it any more, I was going to lose weight!! And I did, over the next year, all on my own, I lost 30kg and dropped to 62kg. I lost so much and gained even more. I got some confidence, some self worth. I felt like I wasn't being laughed at or mocked. I went out to night clubs with my friends and even had boys look at me. And finally, I kissed a boy, I got a boyfriend, I was free from the prison of my fat body. Of course, no one is ever totally happy, and I still had plenty of body issues, loose skin etc, but on the whole, I was a mile away from what I had been. Fast forward many years, I went to University, moved to Melbourne from a county town, traveled overseas, worked overseas, came back, partied it up, settled down and had a little boy, who is now 4. I put on way too much weight when I was pregnant, 24kg to be exact. I lost most of it, bar a few kg. I don't weigh myself anymore, it's too depressing. It can turn a perfectly good morning into a horrible depressing one. But I know from my clothes and my reflection and the way I feel that a few kg have crept back on again. At a guess I've gone from a size 12 to a 14 and put on about 6kg, and I'm not happy about it. I know exactly why. Too much food and not enough move. Hey I go to the gym, 3 - 4 time a week. I do Step classes and Pump classes. I do high impact aerobics and dance class. But it's what goes in the mouth that makes all the difference. And I've become slack!! I know there is no-one to blame but myself, so now, I'm taking back control and I'm hoping, by writing this blog and being accountable and making the iron clad decision to make changes that I will lose those few kilos and get back to feeling good and fit and healthy.

You know what tipped me over the edge to start this blog. Chocolate, not just any chocolate, but a little bag of home made choccies that was on my desk at work today. A gift from a collegue waiting there for me after the Christmas break. I'd actually made the decision to crack the whip a week ago, and have been doing great, all week and feeling good, but that little bag of chocolate brought me down. I put it in my bag, out of sight, but could not resist, and ate the whole bag after lunch, now I feel sick and disspointed. You know what, I didn't need that chocolate, if it wasn't there I would not have had it, but I did have it, and if I'd had this blog yesterday, and know maybe, just one person was reading it, I might not have eaten that chocolate. So, blog, I have high hopes for you. I hope you keep me strong, you give me some support (of the silent kind), you give me strength and you give me that little hand I need to do this.